Sometimes, I feel convinced that there has to be an easier way to God than the way prescribed by the Orthodox Church. Prayer, fasting, standing for long services, maintaining my struggle against the passions…these all require endurance. Within my moments of weakness, I find myself wondering, “You know, do I really have to go this way or is God big enough, good enough, graceful enough to understand that I would really rather have some things in my life that I know go against the teachings of the Church?”
To be sure, my struggle against the passions will only intensify as I continue to grow in Christ. After all, I think it’s fair to say that theosis means casting off my nature for His nature. I am not perfect, and it’s strange to think that the goal of my life is to become increasingly aware of my sinfulness so I can become even more aware of my forgiveness. Paradoxically, it is as we see the Saints enter this space, the testimony of their contemporaries bears witness to the Saint’s holiness. The witness of Holy Tradition startles me. Why when someone grows closer to Christ, do they become increasingly aware of their sinfulness as opposed to power of God present in their life? Moreover, why do I long to see the power of God present in my own life?
I recently encountered a quote from Abba Ischyrion that declares that at the Christians of the last times will “not be able to do any spiritual exploits, but those who keep the faith will be glorified in heaven more than our Fathers who raised the dead.” Far be it from me to challenge a desert father, but I wonder how Orthodox Christians today have assumed that we are the Christians of the last times. Is not part of keeping the faith believing that God will work through us? Does not the fervent prayer of a righteous person avail much? Do we not have a great cloud of witnesses surrounding us? Is not Christ present in every hour of every day? Do we expect little of God because we hope He expects little of us?
And there, in the last question, is the question I need to be asking myself. The expectations of God challenge every fiber in our being. Graciously He establishes His Church to help guide us into every good and perfect gift. The ascetic struggle demands everything that we have, everything than we are, and then still more that can only come from the power of God working within us. As Christ declares, He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Let us remember that Christ invites us along this one path that invites us to find ourselves in Him.
O Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. +
My own struggles have found that the more and more dedicated you become to God, the harder and harder it will get. This is of course expected, as many of us are cast into the world and molded by it, only to realize our mistake and attempt to break out. The world will try to bring us back down, but no matter how hard it may be it’s our duty to get free.